why I write

I write to remember...
I write to forget...
I write to quell the pain...

I write because it is dangerous, a bloody risk, like love,
to form
the words, to say the words, to touch the source, to be touched,
to reveal
how vulnerable we are,
how transient.
-Terry Tempest Williams

Mostly I just wish I had written that. But I didn't. So I wrote my own.

I write to clear my head of the cloudiness of the day. I write so that I don't forget how I felt at an exact moment in history and in my life. I write to make sense of the confusion of hurt and life. I write to record the sheer happiness that comes with life.

I write quickly and until my mind is empty for fear that I might forget and lose the feeling forever. I write in frantic sentences so I don't lose my next thought to the one I am still trying to understand.

I write to pretend I'm an expert. I write because in my own mind I become an author. I write to be more like my heroes.

I write because my thoughts make more sense on paper than in my mind. I write to control the emotions and feelings in my soul so I can better express them.

be glad and young

you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear

it will become you; and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
-ee cummings

It's the way these words are put together that bring beauty to the eloquence. Life right now doesn't suit me. I need some sense of permanance that gives me the security to grow some roots.

I think that's the hardest lesson I've had to learn so far. I wouldn't know what kind of roots to put down because I haven't really figured out what I'm going to become.

This ee cummings masterpiece (although the above excerpt is not the completed poem) reminds me to be glad and young. It reminds me that I need to be young as long as possible...to love and live this time, and through that I will become something.

"...and if you are glad, whatever's living will yourself become..."

I can't wait to become what I'm glad about...as soon as I learn what that is.

I can't imagine I'm the only one who wants some permanence in this very temporary college life. Maybe there are other kinds of permanence? Maybe there's someone looking for permanent friends, or permanent hobbies, or permanent interests. Careers, organizations, groups...maybe these are all places college students look for a place to grow some roots.

I really have no idea. I'll let you know when my life becomes permanent.